Ask Aunt Arya!
by Merrit Jade
Summary: Ask Aunt Arya your questions! And now you a character in the forum if you win.
1. Names

"Dear Aunt Arya, how do you pronounce Eragon's name? Is the E silent, or is it said 'A'? please help!"

-Anonymous.

"I had the same problem. At first I called Eragon Aragorn. He just looked at me funny. So I asked the queen, and she looked at me funny. So I figured he didn't like his formal name. Then I came up with a cool nick name. 'E Dragon man.' He looked at me even stranger after that. So I switched his names now and then, but he didn't even talk to me any more. I was sad because I thought he didn't like me. Naturally my family noticed, but they couldn't understand why I couldn't say his name. I tried 'Ery', but it didn't work. Back to the question. I think it's pronounced Air-a-gone. However, just call him any name you want. Hope I cleared things up for you!"

-Aunt Arya

"And if you have a question for Aunt Arya, just send it in."


	2. Babies

"Dear Aunt Arya, where do babies come from?"

-from ImaginaryGurl400

"Well, ImaginaryGurl400, that's an excellent question. Yes, an excellent question for other characters. Let's call Eragon first!"

"Uh, Hello?" came Eragons voice.

"Hi, Eragon! This is Aunt Arya."

"Oh, hey. Do you have a question?"

"Yeah. Where do babies come from?"

"Aghh! Goahh!"

Eragon hangs up.

"Well! There you have it! Babies come from 'Aghh! Goahh!'. Tune in next time and send your question to Aunt Arya!"


	3. Eragon

"Dear Aunt Arya, will you ever get together with Eragon??"

-from Blue-Eyed Chica

"Well, Blue eyed Chica. That is a good question. Let's get Elva on the line to avoid embarrassment."

"Hello."

"Hi, Elva! It's Aunt Arya."

"I know. I have foreseen it."

"Righhtt. Ok, to the question. Blue-Eyed Chica asked an interesting question: Will me and Eragon ever get together?"

"Hmmm…I don't know. But your grammar sucks."

"Never mind that! So, will we?"

"I don't know. What do I look like? The exorcist girl or a fortune cookie? I have to go. Desperate House Wives is on." she spat before hanging up the phone.

"That didn't go well. Let's call Kyle."

"Hello?"

"Hi Kyle! It's Arya."

"Hi, honey. How are you?"

"I'm fine. Will I ever get together with Eragon?"

"Hell no! Your going out with me."

"Right. And there you have it! Besure to ask Aunt Arya your questions!"


	4. Love

"Dear Aunt Arya, How do you know when you are in love?"

-Anonymous

"How do you know you are in love? Well, I know just the person to asked. Let's go!"

After a couple knocks, Angela answered the door.

"Angela!" she gave her a hug.

"Uh, Hi, Arya. Nice to see you…I think."

"I have a question, how do you know when you are in love?" Arya asked, staring her straight in the eye.

"I…Um…"she said. "I have to go…" Angela ran out of the room looking disturbed.

"What was that?!" Solombum stared at her.

"I was just asking a question!" She insisted.

"Nice. Now she thinks your a…never mind."

"Great! But she did answer my question." After recieveing another strange look from Solombum, Arya left.

"When you are in love, you feel disturbed. Be sure to ask Aunt Arya!"


	5. Nothing

"Dear Aunt Arya, If try to fail, and succeed, what have you done?"

-From Anonymous

"Simple! Absolutely nothing!"


	6. Hair

"Dear Aunt Arya,

I want to know, why do you have dark hair in the book, but you're blond/ginger in the movie?

Did you dye it?

If you did, where'd you get it done, it's a really good job. Thank you!"

-Princess Geia

"Well, Princess Geia. That's an interesting question. In fact, I did get it dyed. I got a perm also. On the main street, Ellesmura, if you turn to the left by the coffee shop, you'll see a place called Styles by Stephanie. She does great hair. I would recommend her to any one, expessionaly my mom. She really needs a hair cut. Any way, back to the question. Yes, my hair is dyed. The people at universal studios thinked I looked better as a red head. Sooo…I got my hair dyed and _then_ they booted my out for Siana Gallera or some one like that. She doesn't even look like me! So remember, dye your hair after you sign the contract."

"And remember, sent Aunt Arya your questions!"


	7. Life

"Dear Aunt Arya, What is the meaning of life?" -Emberpaw of MysticClan.

"The meaning of life? Good question. Lets go see Oromis."

After a few knocks Oromis answered the door and let her in.

"Arya, a pleasant surprise."

"Yes, I have a question for you from Emberpaw of MysticClan. What is the meaning of life?" Arya stared at Oromis as he shut his eyes.

"That is a difficult question. Very difficult indeed. It has been asked for many generations. Never the less, I will meditate upon it."

"Thank you. Now, do you know where I can find Alexander Bell? Emberpaw also asked why we I had telephones." Oromis's eyes snapped open.

"Alexander Bell? I haven't been called that name for a long, long-"

"Ok, Obiwon Kenobi. Cut to the chase."

"Right. Well, I am Alexander Bell. I invented the telephone."

"Ok! Thanks. Now go meditate." Oromis shut his eyes and Arya waited. And waited. And Waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And Waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And Waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And Waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And Waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And Waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And Waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And Waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And Waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And Waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And Waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And Waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And Waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And Waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And Waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And Waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. You get the point.

When Arya finaly got up, she stretched and looked out the window. Then it hit her. No, the window did not her.

"The meaning of life was is to find the meaning of life."

"Send your questions to Aunt Arya!"


	8. Wood chuck

Dear Aunt Arya,

How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

-Anon.

"Erm…wow. One sec, let me google a would chuck…"

"Wait, and where did you get computers?" demanded a fan girl.

"Urg!! Get away!" then the all powerful and omnipotent author wiped her from the screen. "Phew, hope they're aren't any more of those. Aunt Arya, continue?"

"Right-o boss. Ok, so I googled wood chuck, and they, em, don't chuck wood. But the question is, how much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck **could** chuck wood…if it could…em, I dunno. Let's go ask Oromis, he's a walking dictionary."

--0-0—

"I have a question."

"What is it? Make it quick. I'm cooking."

"How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?"

"It's a casserole. Timing is everything." Oromis began shutting the door but Arya leapt through it.

"Sure, casserole sounds great."

Oromis, grumbling to himself, shut the door and the timer beeped.

"This is a serious question. Wood Chucks are not to be taking lightly. The answered varies greatly with the opinion of the individual wood chuck. I found a wood chuck that could chuck 35 cubic feet of dirt in one burrow; I estimate it could chuck about, eh, say…700 pounds? Yeah, that seems right." Oromis then opened the oven and took out a steaming platter.

"Ok thanks! By the way…what kind of casserole _is_ that?!"

"Wood Chuck."

"What!?"

"I told you: Wood Chucks are not to be taken lightly. Use heavy gravy."

Arya was now leaning over clutching her stomach. "And…that's the answered…send your…questions to….Aunt Arya…"


	9. Fruit cake special!

"Hi everyone! Its Aunt Arya. There's a special today, I'll be baking fruit cake and making martinis with little umbrella's and olives stuck through mini-swords that look like the zar'oc!" 

Dear Aunt Arya,

I stabbed a guy, and now he's mad at me. How can I make him NOT mad at me?

-Sock Monkey

"Ch, that is SO easy. You can either:

Kill him. He won't be mad anymore, right?

Make him muffins.

Bake fruit cake and martinis with little umbrella's and olives stuck through mini-swords that look like the zar'oc

"I like C. My neighbor makes really good fruit cake. Her name is Elanora."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"Hello, readers! This is Aunt Arya, and this is our guest Elanora. She's a fantastic cook!"

"And this is Creampuff." An older lady sitting next to Arya petted a white cat happily.

"Er…right. And she will be teaching us to make fruit cake…right…So, Elanora, lets get started! What are the basic ingreadiants?"

"I dunno, like this weird caned stuff in bread and it really quite strange tasting. I don't like it. The candies are all different colors."

"Ok…"

"It looks like a multicolored pokadotted loaf of bread."

"So, where did you get all the fruit cakes you gave away at Christmas?"

"Oh, you think I made those? Nope. Check the dollar market."

"Uh, thank you Elanora and Creampuff! I'll make my own…"

-0-0-0-0-

"Hello again! I have Oromis now to help! Let's see how this goes!"

Oromis began putting multiple items of flour, dried fruit, liquid and measuring cups on the counter.

"So. You put some of this," he scooped a cup of flour. "Then this." A died pear. "Some of…this is next." he dumped a large chunk of salt in. "Then some of…what ever this is…" an uneven cup of…stuff…was put in after the following ingredients:

Half a cup of ground espresso beans

A cinomon roll

3 teaspoons of strawberry flavored lucky charms

A Lord Of The Rings book set

A bottle of half dry mustard

A strawberry

3 grapes

One poppy

2 cups of popcorn kernels from brazil

A sixpack of silly putty

3 cans on whipped cream

9 guitar picks

A bottle of strawberry scented hair care jell

And one full dried pear

"And you dump this in the blender….you hit the 'go' button, wait for like, ten minutes. When it's just the right texture, take it out and scoop it into a pan. Bake it for an hour or till its golden brown. Now we're done." A deliciouse aroma filled the air.

"Wow! Smells great! I'll go see Elva about the martini!"

-0-0-0-0-

"Elva! It's me, and I know you know I know your there! So open this doo-" the door opened.

"Martini and a mini zaroc with olives? Eh? Creative. Here have this martini. And heres an olive. And I just sold my last sword on ebay. How's this world war 2 riffle?"

"Great! Thanks!" So, Arya loaded the olives in the riffle and held the drink in one hand, and the fruit cake in the other, and set off the the address Sock Monkey gave her.

She came to a house, she knocked and a man opened the door. He was healed.

"Hi! I'm Arya and have brought you these gifts from Sock Monkey!"

"Uh, ok…Wait, you brought me a toxic fruitcake and a World war two riffle loaded with green olives?!"

"And a martini…"

"Dude! That's half empty and filled with water!"

"I didn't see the puddle! It was just _there_!"

"I'm mad!"

"To bad, sucker! The toxic fruit cake is-" a bird swooped down and took it.

"–gone…" they both finished together.

"This is your fault!" Arya accused the man.

"My fault?!"

"Yeah!! if you had accepted the delicious fruitcake the bird wouldn't have it!"

"Well, if you hadn't found it in the trash we wouldn't have this problem!"

Arya gasped. "What?! How dare you downgrade my skills! I am Princess future queen Aya Isrmeata Rose Madrid Nora Elas Arya of Ellesmura!"

"your point is?"

"I'm awesome and your not! Sock Monkey was right to stab you!" and so, Princess future queen Aya Isrmeata Rose Madrid Nora Elas Arya of Ellesmura kicked the man and ran, shooting olives at him all the while.

"So…uh, send your olives to aunt Arya! HAHA DIE SUCKER!!!!!!!"


	10. Contest!

"Hi, readers and reviewers! This is Aunt Arya, and I just got off the phone with the author. She wants to write another special, and she wants YOU to be in it!

Send in a valid question, your preferred screen name, your approximate age, gender, and a summery of your personality and style. Then the author will pick some ones question, and someone else to hang out with me and the crew while we look for the answer. Here's an example:

-0-0-0-

Dear Aunt Arya,

Is it true most elves have an unnatural fear of yellow paper clips?

-Merrit

Preferred name: Merrit

Age: 13

Gender: girl

Personality: I'm fun loving, kinda random, addicted to chocolate and VitaminWater, and have awesome light saber earrings to go with my home-made duct tape miniskirt.

Fave color: blue and green and black!

Phobias? Spiders, long waits, phobias, chalk, chalkboards,…

Notes: Star wars nut. Hate math. Allergic to pineapple.

Looks: red hair, brown eyes, usually in jeans and a tee, wavy hair braided to one side or down, glasses…

Style: Geek Sheek!

Lable: Nerd/converse wearer and metal band fan/star wars chic

-0-0-0-

You can put more info in it. Don't be afraid of details.

And, besides the name, it doesn't have to be you. Make an alter ego or something. Like….

-0-0-0-

Name: Merrit

Gender: girl

Personality: EMO

-0-0-0-

See? So, send in your question and info and you might get to hang out us! Just remember to leave your email if it's anonymous so I can contact you with questions. "

Rock on!

-Aunt Arya


	11. News from Merrit

Hey, readers. It's me, again. I need to say something.

And, well…As you can probably see…I've fallen from my Eragon days in the past…erm…half year. I haven't updated this story in at least 5 monthes.

My life size cardboard Eragon is folded and under my dresser.

I dream about Walmart and guys with mullets (don't ask..) instead of Eragon.

I think about…well…normal crap…like movies, homework, music…

…and I've moved on.

BUT DON'T YOU GUYS EVEN DARE TO FOLLOW ME!!!!!!!!

Enjoy your days as fan chicks and dudes. And have fun with it.

And…yeah.

But I'm going to TRY continuing the story. This doesn't mean I'm going to be better at grammar.

I'm just…going to…ummmm…well, I'm not sure.

You see, I just took a reallllly hot shower and my skins all red and I'm kinda woozy and my tummy hurts.

So. Since I'm not going to be very into it, I'm going to need more help than ever.

That means adding me on myspace and reviewing and bugging me to write.

So thanks.

(PS: Keep the characters comeing! You can enter more than one, just make them kool."


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